So I work at a photo lab and an elderly woman came up to pay and after each transaction I have, I ask: “can I help you find anything else today?” She responded with, “A million bucks.” The elderly man behind her said, “Ma’am, if you want a million bucks, just look in the mirror.” Her jaw dropped and she was completely smitten.
This man is at least 80 years old and his pussy game is immortal.
*gets anon hate from the dog with a blog*
(Source: mcwrap, via 666-slut)
if anybody ever tells you that you suck, look them straight in the eyes and say “not for free”
horse_ebooks may be over, but remember kids
when i’m a doctor doing a surgery right before the person goes out under the anesthesia i’m going to say ‘ok pull up the wikihow article’
(Source: deckthecobralls, via ravioligarchy)
(points at an egg) now thats an egg
I have a friend who is dyslexic and one time he said “I put the sexy into dyslexia”and he waited for like thirty seconds and just went “fuck”.